Update on Frodo's Progress

The top picture of Frodo was taken December 6th. It was the first  day in almost a week that he even bothered to raise his head. The first day he showed an interest in anything around him. He is wearing a belly band because he has been unable to control his bladder fully. He knows he has to go, but I don't have enough time to get him outside. As soon as I try, he lets loose. His bowels are  working... slightly... but he doesn't know he's going, so I will go to check him at times and he will have left a present. He does try to move away from it, so he does know it's there after the fact.

The picture of Frodo in the Santa sweater was taken, of course, on Christmas day. He is walking! He started to drag himself around some around Dec. 8th. Several friends put him on their prayer lists. He still could not control his functions, but at last the pain was under control and he was moving. This is a progression I went through with him last time his disc blew out. But this time he had a really hard time keeping his legs in position. About this time he started regaining control of his functions as well. 

Frodo is fiercely independent. He hates being carried and would fight me vigorously. I was afraid trying to carry him would cause more or worse injury than he already had. I did find that he would go anywhere if I held his tail and kept his backend up that way. I tried a belt around him to make a handle so that I did not have to try and follow him around all bent over. I have a blown disc as well so it can be difficult for me too. He would have none of it. He wouldn't do his business! To him, the only acceptable manner  was to hold him up and give him balance via his tail. I did what he needed.

About 5 days into doing this and I noticed that he was moving one of his legs, attempting to use it. I was amazed at even that amount of progress having been content at knowing he was  in control of his bladder and bowel and I would not have to put him  down. He has a doggy wheelchair already here, but had been too sick up to now to use it.

His other leg still hung totally useless. But a couple of days later he was standing, using the one back leg, and kind of doing a hop to get around a bit. I continued to keep his activity at a minimal level, allowing him up only to go out a few times a day, but each day he was using his leg better and his back end was not swaying from side to side as badly.

Twenty-four hours later he was randomly moving the  remaining leg, not connecting with the ground yet. A day later he was actually using the leg.

He is still a little weak in the back end and sways slightly here  and there, but he is getting along far better than I had imagined. This is the third time the disc has blown out, the last being just a year ago. The first  time was a sudden blow-out, but the last two have been a  gradual progression. I will notice him hunching and seeming in pain with a stiff-legged walk. He will stop being active and progress to not being able to walk etc. over the next week or so.  This was by far the worse attack he has had. I know that any one of these attacks can be the end of him. If he loses the ability to use his functions I will have no choice but to put him down.

I am ecstatic that it won't be this time.

I pray that before it blows out again I will be able to afford the surgery for him to get it repaired. I guarantee it won't be with the vet that wouldn't help me and left him in that kind of pain because I  didn't  have a lot  of money. They will never see a dollar of mine again.

VET'S IN CRANBROOK DON'T CARE

I have been crying much of the day. One of my little dogs, Frodo, has blown out a disc in his back. This has happened twice before. Once when he was two, and again a year ago. The incident when he was two was a sudden onset blow-out, most likely because he slipped and twisted the wrong way. Several hundred dollars later, a couple of months on bedrest and a year of recovery seemed to put him to rights. At six (last year) it gave out again, only this time it was a progression that took about a week. Over that week he steadily got worse until he could not use his back end at all. Again, several hundred spent at the vet and on medications for almost 3 months (the medications cost around $150/month). At the same time both my other dogs needed vet attention as well. It ended up running a couple of thousand dollars. Fortunately I had a litter of pups to sell at the time and was able to cover almost everything including Frodo's wheelchair (he recovered once again and got use of his legs back) only having to make a couple of payments toward Ginger's dental surgery.

Now I am out of work and have been for several months. There will be no Christmas in this house, but that's ok. I live alone anyway and family will just have to understand.

But Frodo's back has gone again. This time there was no injury and the process took around a week again to fully take away use of his rear legs. He is in a great deal of pain. I couldn't afford to take him in, but I called and asked if I could get the medications that he was on last time. I took the last of my money to get them for him.

He is laying on his side yesterday and today and I can see the spasms hit him, causing his front legs to extend, but when I touch them he draws them back. He is still able to do his business and has not lost control of his bodily functions. I called the vet again and explained what was happening and asked if there was something more that could be done for him. They said they could add another pain medication so I got a friend of mine to drive me down to get them for him (I lost my vehicle after being out of work a few months. I had already asked on the telephone if I could bring him in and make payments to them to get him seen.... they refused. It's cash up front here in Cranbrook... at  ALL the vets.

I found out that, even if he is so bad he needs to be put down, no one will help without cash up front. They will (and they said this when I asked) just let him suffer, and me helplessly watching.

Anyway, when I got there to get the meds they said they could add to what he is taking, they refused to give them without making an appointment and bringing him in.

Understand that I have NEVER had a vet visit anywhere in this town without it costing me close to $200. And that does not include any bloodwork etc that may be needed, but would include medication in Frodo's case. But not x-rays which will be needed again in Frodo's case.

So, in my opinion, the almighty dollar wins out over everything else. I wasn't asking for them to do anything for free.... just to give me some time to pay for it.... but without the cash up front, forget it.

I thought they cared about the animals, but now I can see that they don't give a damn about anything but how much they can make off someone.

I expect the coming days will be full of tears, as today was/is. If you are prone to prayer, please pray for my little Frodo. He is my buddy and I am at a loss over what to do now. Thanks

Frodo is black and white.... he is 7 next month.... Ginger is with him... she will be 13 next month.

HOW CAN WE, LORD?

    I have always had a soft spot for animals. Any animals. When I was young I would watch the progress of different nests of local birds. There were a pair of red-headed woodpeckers in a hollow tree. They got so used to me they would allow me to handle the babies as they grew. Then there was the robin’s nest in the old grader at the edge of our property. I never touched that nest... just observed. Another nest I never touched was the great horned owl nest. I was afraid of their beaks and talons. Snowy owls often sat on the edge of the deck rail and once my mother and I got a picture of one sitting side by side with a great horned owl. It was quite a sight to us.

    I have fed wild deer from my hands and seen them bring their fawns to the deck in the spring to introduce them to my mother and me. I have been in the midst of a pack of coyotes when out hunting. That was scary for sure, and a wonder when they left of their own accord. I have experienced the unexpected gracefulness and speed of a moose running through dense underbrush and seen many a bear loping along to the next meal spot.

    I have owned and bred fish, birds, dogs, cats, and gerbils. And when the good Lord calls me home, I look forward to being in the midst of the critters. You can find me there if you wish. I love animals.

    I am a supporter of anti-animal abuse sites and visit them often, signing what petitions they offer to defend animals. I have little disposable income, and though I have been unable to give much financial support to various organizations, I have been able to rescue a number of animals from abusive or neglectful situations and have been blessed to be able to do so.

    Once in a while I go on the abuse sites. Some of them have some very graphic depictions and I cannot stand to go to them often. I always end up in tears. Last week I went to one and once again my heart tore for the horrific pictures I saw there. As I sobbed I called out to the Lord, "How can we do these things, Lord? How?"

    I just cannot understand how the human race, who have been made stewards of the earth and all that is in it, or on it, can be so utterly cruel.

    Take the story of Mercy. Someone stabbed her, cut her and then doused her in gasoline and set her on fire! She was 10 months old. She did not survive despite all efforts to save her.

    Or the story of a 3 month old puppy who had his legs literally torn off by two teenage boys.

    Or any of the thousands of stories that you can find just by googling "animal abuse".

Look into the eyes of these trusting animals as they undergo surgeries and recoveries, still trusting that those who have them now will help.

    Then I think about all that man does to each other. Genocide, homicides, child abuse, sexual abuse, torture and maiming, war and allowing starvation. We turn a blind eye to horrific things happening all over the world. People suffering. People starving. We have no regard for each other, how can we have regard for other species.

    It is said one of the precursors to someone with the tendency to become a serial killer is cruelty to animals. What of those who practice abuse in the guise of research?

    I love animals. When I am able, I will contribute to animal rescue. If the Lord allows me, I will create a place to bring the rescued to. In the meantime I will donate by clicking and do what I can to spread the word.

And I will continue to cry when I see the evidence of man’s cruelty. "How can we, Lord?"

examples of what is out there   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK42VZAJ-58

WINTER IS HERE

    I woke up this morning wanting to write something and my mind became very unsettled. This happens to me a lot these days. I sit alone in this house and now that winter is here, do very little. I feel like I’m bound. There are a number of things I could get going. Projects and things I only do in the winter because the rest of the year I am doing things outside in the yard, garden, or shop. My shop is unheated and only has electricity to the lights, so I am running cords from the outside outlet on the house. Too cold in the winter to work out there.

    I feel bound. Little gets further than being a thought. Oh, the necessities are getting done. Laundry, floors, dishes etc. are all being kept up. Things that have to be done are getting done. Like the tomatoes from the garden that were finally ripe got processed and put away. Then I made up meat pies and froze them. Only because the stew meat I put out to cook was far too much for one or two meals and I had to do something with the left overs. I like meat pies.

    I am doing the odd bit of writing for my blogs, too. But mostly I am just sitting with things spinning around in my brain. I distract myself with television, which I only have in the winter. The rest of the year I am far too busy to be bothered so I don’t subscribe. But that doesn’t really hold my attention either and I end up just staring at it without much recognition of what is happening on the screen.

    My mind is wandering. It wanders, as it does many times, to my son and where is he, and how is he doing? After 20 years would I recognize him if he walked up to me? Why doesn’t he ever contact me? What did I do?

    My mind skips to a much younger me. Thirteen years old, and being held down by a local man and raped.

    Oops, I don’t want to go there. One of many places I don’t like to go.

    I force myself to look around me and be thankful to God for what I see. A little home of my own, my dogs, every little thing that I have that many others don’t. Some days this is a hard process because what I am feeling when I start is definitely NOT thankful. Hurt, rejected, frustrated, poor, stressed that I soon won’t be able to pay my bills. I have not had any work for several months and I need it to supplement my small pension. Looking around and thanking God for what I have helps bring me to a more positive state of mind, but my mind still wanders. Some of these thoughts I would like to get written down, but when I sit down to do it, all of a sudden I go blank.... and my mind commences wandering again.

    It has wandered right into the next morning. I give myself a good talking to. I need to accomplish something. I need to go forward, if only in small steps. I know that I always feel better about everything when I get things done.

    I seem to go through this cyclically. I work incessantly during the spring from March to July or even into August if the summer has not been too hot. I "rest" in the heat and things just get maintained.

    Then canning time, and putting down what I have planted and grown. I work morning to night, resting often and hurting big time by the end of the day. By the end of October most of this is done and the gardens and yard readied for the snowfall we usually get by Oct 31. Once the snow hits, I sit where I am now... it happens every year. But Christmas is coming and, as I have no funds for gifts, I will be making them this year. Something I have done many times in the past. Some is made already... many like a sample of my home canning. I will be getting busy again very soon to get things done. I will enjoy creating, as I always do, whether it be in the wood shop, or painting, or any one of a number of hobbies and crafts.

    I will be moving forward again. Accomplishing things, which always makes me feel good at the end of the day. Even in my unsettledness I am comforted by knowing that this will not last. Nothing is ever static, and things always change. I feel change coming and I will take advantage of this period of rest to prepare.

GOTTA LOVE URBAN DEER

   

 I live in a small house with my three little dogs, Frodo, Ginger and Eowynn {A-o-wyn}. Most of the time they are great companions. At times they can be annoying, of course. Often it is like having children around.

    I swear, Frodo can tell time. I started taking the dogs for a walk around, or after supper time. It is only a 20 minute walk at the best, but that is more than has been recommended for Frodo’s back not to be strained (he has twice blown a disc). He knows when it is time. He starts whining at me and won’t let up until I get ready and take them out.

    Yesterday it was cold and when we got to the park at the other end of my street, we started into it. This park has a flock of about 80 mallard ducks that winter there. This year there are even more at times. The original group has been breeding and not taught their young to fly south, so the flock has grown. The dogs never bother them. They are leashed and I have taught them to just keep going and not pay attention. I don’t even have to correct them with a tug most of the time.

    However, earlier in the day I had seen 11 or 12 deer go past my house in the direction of the park and yes, there they were at the other end of the park. I have gone past deer with the dogs before and they have behaved much like they have been taught to with the ducks, not paying any attention to them. It can be a little scary though. The deer have attacked the dogs in our yard when I let the dogs out without checking and they felt threatened. I was afraid that the deer may attack even if the dogs didn’t bother them. It is a large group and there is only about 30 feet between the fence and the creek with a path in the middle.

    One of the does had triplets this year, and they were part of the herd, along with a couple of others that were also this year’s early fawns. I thought that the older does might feel a need to defend these younger ones, and several of them were heading directly for us. I turned around and returned home.

    It was a significantly shorter walk than usual, but Frodo was satisfied and settled down once again. As long as he gets put on the leash and is taken out of the yard, he is satisfied.

MY BATTLE WITH SMOKING

    For a long time now I have waging a battle with smoking. Since before I was diagnosed with diabetes, I have been trying to permanently stop. I win a little ground, then I lose a little. I have been smoking since I was nine years old. A babysitter got me started.

    For the first few years smoking was more or less hit and miss. If I could sneak one from my mom’s pack here or there. None of my peers were even thinking about cigarettes yet.

    In those years it was common for parents to send a child to the store to buy their cigarettes. I was going for my mom’s smokes by the time I was 5. By the time I was 14, I was smoking a 25 pack a day. By 16 that had increased to 2 - 25 packs a day and stayed there for several years. At around 22 I had decreased that amount to 1 - 25 pack a day and stayed there for the next 26 years without ever a thought of stopping. After all, it was very socially acceptable to smoke and everyone did it.

    Then it became not socially acceptable and all the health related information started coming out in full force so I decided to try and stop.

    The first method I used was by reducing by one the number of cigarettes you have each day. I got down to three a day, but could not seem to overcome that barrier. I smoked 3 a day for over a year. The "patch" came out and I thought that I would try that to get over that final hurtle. I bought step 1 and put it on. I didn’t smoke any that day! Or the next! I thought I had found the answer.

    The third day I was in intensive care in the hospital. I had used too strong a patch for the amount I smoked and my heart had reacted poorly. A minor heart attack. I was fortunate in that there was no damage to the heart muscle, but it was scary.

    I didn’t smoke for 3 ½ months, but I did start again....for a few months. I tried the patch again, but I was smoking a pack a day again so I started with step 1 again. When I had gone 5 days without a cigarette, I quit using the patches.

    I didn’t smoke for 1 ½ years that time. But I started again and in less than 3 months I was back up to a pack a day. I kind of gave up at this point and didn’t try again to stop for 4 years.

    I was diagnosed with diabetes. It was determined that I had been diabetic for around 17 years pre-diagnosis. Along with the diabetes I had the usual things that go hand in hand with it. High blood pressure, high cholesterol and all other things they test for at 4 - 5 times the norm.

    Smoking was adding to the problems. I was short of breath all the time. Even walking I would huff and puff. My circulation was going. I was overweight. So I decided to try and stop once again. That was several years ago and the only period I have totally stopped was a 3 month period a couple of years ago. However, using the patch I have kept smoking down to about 5 a day. but I didn't seemed to have the will power required this time to stop completely. When the craving started getting strong, I'd take the patch off and smoke for the rest of the day. Or at least until a couple of months ago. Then I remembered that I had been able to stop for a couple of weeks using Champix and decided to try that again.

    This time I was prepared though. I knew what my reactions to it would be. Headache, nausea, vivid dreams... in short, most of the more minor side effects. I decided that I would be able to handle these and, more importantly, that I wanted to. I wanted my sinuses unplugged, and my breathing to improve, my health to improve. I knew how good I had felt those times that I had stopped for extended periods.

    The first time I tried the Champix it was costing me out of pocket, and that could be difficult on my pension. Now the government was going to cover it, so I waited till that program came into effect, as my doctor advised. About 7 weeks.

    I have been using the Champix now for 3 weeks. My breathing has improved as has my ability to walk further (weight loss this year has helped with walking too). Control of my diabetes has improved as well. I was up to 10 cigarettes a day again and had been for 3-4 months. The first day on Champix I went down to 5 and stayed there for a few days. By the time I had been on it for a week I was down to 4 cigarettes a day.

The next week is the full dose 2 X a day. I went down to 3, then 2. Then I spent a week and ½ smoking 1 a day. I just didn’t want to let go of that old friend. My body has been used to having those chemicals (not just the nicotine, but all the others as well) since it was forming. It has had the feeling of smoke go down the throat since forever. But I want my health back and I don’t want to be ruled by this addiction any more. I have not had a cigarette for almost a week now.

    I think I will make it this time. I know I must. Not for anyone else, nor any thing else, but just for me. It is my decision. It is my health.

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY

    Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

    Today is the first day of this blog.

    A new day is on the horizon, and I want to be ready to greet it. I want to put the past to rest.

    I want to leave a record of my life, thoughts and feelings. I want to record what lessons I have learned.

    I want my son, who has been missing from my life for over 20 years, to know his mother.

    But why do that in such a public forum?

    Perhaps my experiences, insights into myself, growth or lack of growth at different times, may encourage someone else who is going through hard times. Life is becoming better for me. I am older. I have let go of a lot of things of the past and have started looking to the future. Sometimes wishing that I had more time. I have not, till now, made the most of my life. I have wasted precious moments in being angry, in blame, in (should I dare say it) hate, in self-pity, in excuses.

    Don’t expect, dear reader, to be led down this path in a chronological procession. This accounting will be all over the place, as I think of things I want or need said. One day could be something that happened at age 2 or 3. The next could be something that happened today. These are just things that I think about that normally would remain just that. A thought. Never coming to the light of day else wise. I may even muse on why the sky is blue :).

    Though I have been through many ups and downs in life a new day is dawning. Right now I have no job to supplement my small disability, but things are about to change. I await the next few weeks and what they will bring with bated breath. I am on the verge, at 58 years old, of a whole new adventure. I will travel. I will start crossing things off my "bucket" list. I will make a difference in the lives of many in ways I never thought possible. It is going to be an exciting time and one I have longed for my entire life.

    I will not tell you more right now of the source of this bounty. That will unfold as we go on. I am readying things for receipt of it and this you will read about. I am also, in the process, getting my house in order for the time that I will no longer be here. As to where I will be, I have confidence that it will be a far superior place.

    I hope that you, my readers, will enjoy travelling down this meandering path with me. I pray that at some point, my son will find this site. I don’t know if he will know for I am not identifying either of us, but will hope that it touches some part of him for the better.

   God bless you all till next we meet.